In 1994, when Axl Rose began work on "Chinese Democracy," "90210" was still on. The original one. And Arnold Schwarzenegger ruled the box office, not the state of California.

Back then, a new Guns N' Roses album would have mattered. People would have flooded into stores to buy the latest work from one of rock's biggest, most influential bands.

In 2008, after 15 years without a full-length original release, well ... not so much.

There's an understandable curiosity factor around the disc. Anything that takes 15 years of meticulous effort has to have something going for it, right?

But when it was finally released last week, "Chinese Democracy" was met by the News Journal's music gurus, entertainment editor Julio Diaz and entertainment reporter Rebecca Ross, with one reaction: "Why did this take 15 years?"

Really, Axl. When you started this disc, Bill Clinton was president and Al Gore hadn't yet invented the Internet, so it's not like you were busy updating your Facebook status or wrapped up in "World of Warcraft." What happened?

We may never know the answer to that question. But we do know that it wasn't worth the wait.

So to save you time, money and earaches, we listened to "Chinese Democracy" for you. You'll thank us later.

n 1. "Chinese Democracy." After some strange atmospherics, the opening track does pack a satisfying crunch. Axl's voice still sounds great. But it feels soooo dated. This coulda been the big song from 1991's "Terminator 2: Judgement Day" instead of "You Could Be Mine." We half expect to hear the Governator say, "Hasta la vista, baby," at the end of the track.

n 2. "Shackler's Revenge." Wow. Apparently, Rob Zombie built a time machine, went back to 1994 and recorded a bonus song for "The Crow" soundtrack.

n 3. "Better." "Better" than what? Not better than anything from "Appetite for Destruction," that's for sure. Better than listening to weasels being strangled? Maybe.

n 4. "Street of Dreams." Ooh, a power ballad! Tinkly piano intro building into bombastic chords that overwhelm Axl's hoarse falsetto. Destined to play during the final moments of some blow-em-up flick as the balding hero kisses the girl in front of flaming wreckage.

n 5. "If the World." Flamenco guitar and industrial rock: Two great tastes that taste horrible together.

n 6. "There Was a Time." Another Guns N' Roses meets Meatloaf, gratuitous choral-n-orchestra chest-beater.

n 7. "Catcher in the Rye." Here's a title that sets ANYONE whose name isn't J.D. Salinger up to fail. It's clearly meant to be this album's epic "November Rain," but it sounds more like Motley Crue's "Home Sweet Home." And reminds us that the Crue's recent single, "Saints of Los Angeles," still sounded fresher than this. Nice guitar solo, though.

n 8. "Scraped." Heavy metal doo-wop that morphs into old school GNR. "Don't you try to stop us now." How 'bout you stop mixing every musical genre known to man in every song?

n 9. "Riad N' the Bedouins." Yes! Axl, in so many words, finally cops to his insanity in the opening verses! It's actually the best track, too — the only thing that bears repeated listening, with a dirty groove that would have fit on "Appetite." No idea what the title's supposed to mean, but who cares?

n 10. "Sorry." Someone listened to Queensryche's "Silent Lucidity" about a million times before recording this track. Some nice, crunchy guitar chords buried somewhere in the background, though.

n 11. "I.R.S." The answer to the musical question, "Hey, what finally inspired Axl to finish the album?" Nope, just another sludgy mess. The quiet guitar solo at the bridge comes close to redeeming it, though.

n 12. "Madagascar." This is what happens when Axl Rose, Dido and a full orchestra go on vacation together and hang out watching old movies and Civil Rights speeches.

n 13. "This I Love." We take it back. THIS is "Chinese Democracy's" "November Rain." Which we guess makes "Catcher in the Rye" the album's "Don't Cry."

n 14. "Prostitute." "Seems like forever and a day," Axl sings in what is perhaps the understatement of the century for GNR fans. This final track, another stylistic mish-mash, features a plaintive request to "please be kind." Our response? Too late!